Free to be Me...

This was a staple item growing up in Florida... Trissy clearly enjoyed it today as well. :)

So November just flew by... talk about busy. Ha! Or was I? I'm not sure exactly... but I sure did miss the whole month on this here blog. Ehhh... moving forward. Perhaps I was busy reflecting... that sounds about right. My dad came out for a 2 week visit... Hanna turned 10... I'm still dreaming and trying to pull together the pieces of my life and what I want from it... good times, good times. ;-)

As the year is nearing an end... I always seem to go into deep thought... cruising the year as a whole... where I have started... gone to... and am headed. It's emotional. Well, uh-duh... it's me... of course it is emotional! :)

Seriously though... I have never in my life felt so on the edge of Greatness.... I'm not talking about a marriage, kids, the house with the imaginary white picket fence... more on the lines of embracing who Freida is and what I have in my heart to share with the world...

Inspired and Ready to Soar!

Submit a 2 minute video. Share a time in your life when you stuck with something big and didn't give up. Though the chances are low... my inspiration and hope is high... so I entered in for a chance at a dream photography scholarship... come what may... 3 women will be selected and announced Jan. 1st.

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I would probably start my story off in 2006… newly married earlier that year… I found myself months later deep in depression. My own guilt, embarrassment and past weighed heavy on my heart. I often wondered how much time needed to pass by before I was not defined by my past? I would rise early to go to work… where my bubbly personality overcompensated for my hidden sadness. The hour drive home became a release… the tears would stream down my cheeks daily as the ugliness of what my life had become surrounded me. I couldn’t escape what I had allowed to define me. Once home, I would head straight for the bed. For months my daughter, Bella, that was 3 at the time… would find me in our bedroom… in the dark… lifeless and numb… with no expression on my face and ask if I was okay. Daily she would ask. I remember to many times yelling for my husband to come and get her out of there. I was stuck… in deep. I was lost… I was hopeless.
As I was driving home one day… with the same routine as it had been for months on end… I heard over the radio an advertisement. It touched me to the core. For the first time in nearly six months I knew what I had to do. I saw past the bleakness of the day... of my day. I had a sense of hope. Instead of crawling under the covers that afternoon upon returning home I sat at the computer… entered in the website that I heard on the radio and registered. Doing something larger then myself inspired me. The cause was powerful and beautiful and touched my soul. It saved me I do believe. It gave me back hope.
Though truth be told I was not sure how I was going to see this journey through… I knew that I would. Allowing myself to be inspired for the sake of others helped to heal my spirit. It taught me that forgiveness is essential, the present is a gift and to live in the moment, and to love with compassion daily. It reminded me that we only are as defined as we wish to be… the world is our canvas… and we can each create a beautiful masterpiece to share with others.
So I began to create my masterpiece that day… for 7 months I traded the bed for walking shoes. I kept my eye on the finish line…. seeing it through, raising the money and walking the 60 miles in 3 days to support breast cancer research. There were days in the beginning of the training when I sat on the edge of my bed to put my shoes on and thought… “This is to hard... to big a challenge… I’m not sure if I can do this.” Those thoughts were replaced with the many faces on the 3-Day Breast Cancer website that stayed in my head. They didn’t have the choice to stop fighting… to stop trying… to lose hope. I made a decision in the first few weeks that I wasn’t going to lose hope either. So I walked. And then I walked some more. Friends and family poured out their support and gave graciously with donations. I found myself starting to enjoy the walking… starting to enjoy life and the role I played in my own… that I was a participant and not just an observer anymore. I was even enjoying the three friends that had decided to walk along side me. Hope had been restored… the hope that life is beautiful and inspiring and worth living for.
On day 3 when we finished the walk… I have never felt so touched by the people around me, so moved by others compassion and heart and so incredibly inspired to live… I mean really live! Tomorrow is not promised, truly. I have come to realize that we all have purpose and passion and something to give back to the world. I am beyond ready to Soar! with my photography!

One day the ocean will be our backyard...

So... for the past two days I have gone out back to lay some red bricks down. It's time consuming... but I have come to realize if we don't put forth the effort to get it done... it will not get done. Each morning for the past however many months I slide back the curtains first thing when I wake up... and for just a moment before they let the morning light in... I have a small amount of HOPE that when I pull them back... somehow, someway the backyard will be transformed like magic and will be SO beautiful... green healthy grass, flowers budding on the fence line... just a haven to say the least. Each morning a little bit more of reality sets in... reality that the yard is staying exactly the same.

I have done nothing to change it.

A worthy amount of change... in anything in life... requires hard work, dedication, focus to see it through though the road may be long... and often times it starts with a mindset, true?

Overwhelmed by the backyard (you can insert life here too) I have up until this point stopped trying even. What is the point? I mean I certainly know what I want it to look like... I'm just having difficulties converting my desires/wants into real life.

I'll be damned! This is our backyard (life)... and I am taking it back.

I will try.

I will put forth the energy and the footwork.

And though I am not sure exactly how to make this all happen... daily I will head out back and change even the smallest something to head in the direction I think we ought to be going in.

Hanna

...she'll be 10 at the end of this month. That's just wild to me. Where have the years gone?

Ahhh....it's going to look so lush!

Love it!

I pulled up all of the rose bushes... all 12 of them... and moved them to the backyard... mostly because I wanted to do something productive that didn't involve cleaning the house... again. Also... I just wasn't feeling the roses out front anymore. Mom surprised us with all of these tropical plants... which are just so beautiful... and so much more the look I wanted all along. They remind me of Florida. :)

Daddy's Boy...

Jacob told Tristan "No" when he wanted to run with a stick... and Tristan still ran to his daddy's arms for comfort. Jacob found humor in this.

The princess & her dragon...

I wasn't going to post the picture below... but I had too. Bella has a crush on both of these two boys. One is loud... often being talked to by the teacher... the bad boy I guess you could say. The other is polite and respectful and a smart cookie... the good boy... and as Bella told me... "mom, he's gorgeous. I only like gorgeous boys." Oh. I see. *Sigh* Really? Is this an issue already? *Sigh* It just makes me think down the road... a long way down the road when she brings a fella home to meet us... eeks... please let it be the right one for her... and her momma's sanity. TBD. :-/

Oh.... and then there are these two photos. Same day. 10 minutes apart. The one above... clearly she is devastatingly sad because... wait for it, wait for it... I had her princess hair styled all wrong.... *gasp*... I know! Clearly I didn't get the memo the up-do's were out for a little princess. My bad.

The photo below... just moments later... hair straight, flat as a board... boring... was just perfect for the look she was going for. Who knew?!

*Sigh* Girls are so moody. Surely.

We went to Harveston Lake for trick or treating this year... yep... Jacob insisted. He is the biggest kid. He seriously was more excited by the decorations in the neighborhood then the kids. Clearly.

Ahhhh.... my little princess and her protective little dragon. :)

Boo-tiful Blandins...

I am not much of a party girl these days... actually the whole being social thing really does nothing for me... BUT, I knew I ought to go to Ben and Shelli's Halloween party... I wanted to see my friend. And since I feel like a haggard old lady most of the time... I thought it was only fitting that I dressed up as a Red Hatter. :)

It was my first time ever playing beer pong... and yeah, I can totally see how that game could become a favorite... good times, good times. :)

This one is for my mom...

My proud mama watching her daughter's first window get installed. I'm not sure whom was more excited between the two of us? My teacher, my mom. It was a special moment for both of us watching the window finally go up. There were some times during the past year when I caught myself thinking that mom was not going to be okay and she was not going to be here to see this day... I'm beyond touched that she was...

Before... and After...

Bella & Brigitte

Most of my friends have been my friends for at least a decade... some two decades, plus. I don't make many new friends to often... but those that are special to me remain in my life from way back when. I can only hope Bella makes long lasting friendships that stay by her side throughout the years... really, I wish that so much for her.

A Gift With Such Meaning...

Such a special birthday gift... from my Aunt Pammy. It's a very long story which involves a good-looking twenty-something year old man that came from Jerusalem selling his art work... a marriage certificate that a crazy wild sixty-something year old lady from the islands had and needed translated to her. And a long-winded jog down and up a very steep hill. As Pammy put it, "This oil painting had to be yours! I was blessed with this man's presence on your 30th birthday. I have never been so giving... yet it feels so right."

Wow.

She brought me to tears as she shared her story of what had happened to her that day... on my birthday. She didn't have the amount of money the man was asking for his art... but she told him she must have this piece... and told him what she had. He accepted. How special that my aunt... the same aunt that often times finds herself surviving in the islands with poverty level standards... and here she was... thinking of me. So touching. So thoughtful. You must click on the photo to enlarge it. It's so amazingly beautiful!

If I didn't see it with my own eyes...

... I wouldn't believe that it was actually finished! It's been a LONG time coming... a year as a matter of fact!

Here is the story of the stained glass window and how it came to be:

http://freidaketa.blogspot.com/2008/09/hes-so-cool.html

http://freidaketa.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-inspiration.html

http://freidaketa.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-pattern.html

http://freidaketa.blogspot.com/2008/09/wind-beneath-my-wings.html

Ta-Da!!!!!!!! OMGosh, I was so nervous to pick it up off of the table. Camereon is going to be so proud when he gets here this weekend. He has been reminding me for a few months now that I must finish this window... right down to telling me if I work on it for this many days times this many hours... then it would be completed. So needless to say... I'm super excited for him to see it finished! The glass guy came out today and measured... and will be back in one week to install it! WooHoooooo!!!!!

10.11.09

So... on my 30th birthday.... Jacob made us breakfast... then we headed over to peltzer's farm to check out the maze and pumpkin patch. This place is tucked away in the vineyards and on this day it was cool out and not busy at all there... which was an added bonus! I had work at the winery later that day... so it was sure nice to spend some time with the family earlier in the day.

Goodbye 20's, Hello 30's...

So.... because I have the most awesome brother in the whole wide world.... hands down.... and he offered to watch the kiddos so momma could have a Spa Day!... I gathered the ladies... and we went to Glen Ivy Hot Springs... popped the cork at 9:30a.m.... in the parking lot and relaxed until the 6:00 closing time. Yep... it was a fabulous way to spend the last day of my twenties!

So... as I end my twenties... I think back over the last ten years namely... and where I have started and all of the bends and twists my life has taken. Many lessons learned... of which I have stuck in my back pocket for reference. Many blessings have come my way... all of which I acknowledge and am grateful for. I think for my thirties... moving forward... I hope to continue to allow myself to transform into a fearless creative woman... that does with action what my heart seeks and what inspires me... and remembers always that I deserve happiness... and if there comes a point that I realize a change is necessary... I am not afraid to be that honest... with myself... and make that change. Going into my thirties I have two areas of my life that require "all of me"... that require me to be real... that need me to be present and still and open... come what may. I feel wiser as I hit my thirties... the direction that I am heading towards... yet I am still discovering who Freida is... or at least starting to embrace it now...

One way...

... to get past my bummed out moods.

10.04.09

The following day, Sunday October 4th... was Poppy's actual birthday. It was more low key... just family... some yummy lobster barbecued on the grill... the kids being kids... climbing the hillside and such. I love days like this when the weather is beautiful... and we are all hanging out up at their house... just being family. Good times, good times. :)

90 years of life...

Tomorrow is never promised. Moments in time are priceless and fleeting. Truly.

Poppy had a full weekend celebrating his 90th birthday with family and friends. I do believe he felt the love all around him. I have more on my mind... yet I would prefer not to share all of my thoughts... surprise, surprise. I will say that Poppy... for me... is the man that I admire most... always have. He is the one man that I have always looked up to with great respect and so much love for. To me... he is the rock of the family... and I am so blessed to have him as my grandfather.

Poppy's youngest great-grandchild... (for now... wink, wink)

Poppy's grandson,Ray & son, Johnny

First grandchild... Daniel

Great granddaughter, Bella

Poppy's nephew, Richard

Granddaughter, Hanna and Great Granddaughter, Bella

First great grandchild... Oshe.

I love this picture... Uncle Johnny and his two nephews. :)

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to Poppy!!!!

Poppy making a wish! :)

Poppy getting the frosting off of his plane. :)

4 Generations in this photo! :)

Poppy

Kids: Pamela, Johnny, Susan, Lois

Grandkids: Daniel, Raymond, Freida, Hanna

Great Grandkids: Tristan, Camereon, Oshe, Bella

My family. :)

Poppy and all of his kids. :)

More pictures... big shocker! :)

Maybe since Poppy's party is in a couple days... and family is flying in from all over... that I am really missing the ones that can not make it even more then normal. I really think families should all live in the same town... on the same street... with weekly dinners together. Ha! Could you imagine? I partially think that should be the case. Anyhow... my cousin Chrissy sent me these two photos above... and I just love them. The 3 of us as kids and then as young adults. Just love them both. :)

That's a mighty green yard...

Dude! Now it's not to often that I get envious... but I will say when I arrived at Aunt Lori and Aunt Joan's house in Connecticut... I did have a touch of envy. For a split second... okay, longer then a split second... as I sat in their backyard and had a beer with Lori as Trissy played all over the yard... I seriously thought... I could SO live here... yep, this would be the house, the neighborhood... the whole nine. I loved it... absolutely loved it. If we ever do move out of California... seriously... Southington, CT... is totally an option! :)

Grandma & Tristan

I think about my far away family all the time... daily. It's insane that we live so far away... but that's the way it is. Besides there being a family wedding... I knew I had to make it back to Connecticut to just visit in August. Years pass by... our lives get busy... and before you know it... it's been 5 years... yes... 5 years since I last saw my grandma. To long. I am trying to make it a point to realistically make it back there every 2 years to see her.

Poppy & the kids...

I love this picture... I just don't want it to get lost in my computer some where... so I thought I'd post it.

Uncle J & Baby T

"What do you mean I can't go inside the cage and play with the tiny puppies Uncle Johnny???"

The prep...

Susie should totally be party planner. She's great at it. She enjoys it. I'm super excited about the upcoming party she is planning for Poppy. All four of his kids will be there... my uncle arrives today from Arizona and my aunt arrives next Wednesday from the Virgin Islands. A couple more guests are flying in from the east coast later in the week. It should be a very special evening for Poppy. We went over Susie's the other day at her request for us to try different food options for the party.... ummm... okay! :) The lobster crepes with benedict sauce was my favorite! :) The girls decided to make signs for Poppy's party... cute right? :)

Anyhow... I'm just really looking forward to this celebration! :)

Poppy through the years...

So... I totally got my hands on some old school pictures of Poppy for a little project I am working on for his 90th birthday party. WOW! I can not even begin to tell you how cool these pictures are to me... and how I scanned them all (37 of them!) so that when I have to return the originals to Susie... I still have my own set! :)

These are a few of my favorites...

L to R: Mimi, Susan, My Mom, Poppy, John, Pam

1943... his early 20's.

This one made me cry. I have ZERO pictures of me as a child... moving so much through my childhood... the photo albums got lost. :(

Mimi, Ray, myself & Poppy.

Love this one! :)

Poppy & Mimi in Hawaii :)

What an awesome photo this is! I love the whole look of it! :)

My favorite! :)

Poppy golfing. :)

So... I would love to have more photos... from the Florida Keys... him flying the plane... baby pictures... but I am stoked with what I have to work with. These pictures are just so special and so priceless...

The truth shall set you free...

I got scared. That's it. That's the reason for why I hit the brakes. I knew even before shooting that family that I was feeling "off"... I was thinking about my own marriage and how it's hard when you start off as lovers and not friends... but now find myself having to reverse the role and be friends... and if there is still any time in the day... lovers. I sat on the bench waiting for them to get there and as I started the session... I was there... but my heart was not. I just knew that the pictures would be not good to me. When I pulled them up on the screen... I quickly flipped through them and thought... "shit, they're all crap." So there you have it... in a moment of wondering how I am going to rescue my marriage and add it back into my routine... and shooting this family.. I flopped. I totally did not give in my all. Back to my point. It scared me. So, I stopped... shooting. There is something more... I just know it... I just keep having the movie, "Step Mom" run through my head... families having to say good bye to their loved ones... kids to their moms.... and I know I am needing to tap into a children's hospital... to cancer patients... to families that realize their moments are truly fleeting. Still I'm stuck. I have the pause button held down. I'm scared. I find myself holding back. Everything I do in my life is 99% based on emotions... on inspiration.... simply... on how it makes me feel. I rationalize very little in life. If it moves me to the core... that's plenty for me. I keep asking God for direction... and I'm pretty sure he can't scream it at me any louder... I hear Him, I do. Yet, I keep asking... as if he is going to give me a different message the next time around. I feel like so much time is passing... funny right, this whole photography thing has only been rolling for 2 months or so... yet... I feel like I am missing the bus... like I am allowing my calling to pass me right by. I wish God would just join me at my table one morning (soon) and have a cup of coffee with me for an hour... just an hour... and look me in the eye... and tell me what I needed to hear. I just can't help but feel like I have a greater calling... to touch and to move and to inspire others... in some way. I doubt myself. A lot. So... for now, I find myself standing still...

You don't know my journey... nor do I know yours...

90 years... isn't that something? We brought Poppy over to Berna's house yesterday as Susie is trying her best to make it through her cancer treatment. She has one more week to go. As she finishes it up... Poppy is going on a cruise with Berna to celebrate his birthday. Life... it's a roller coaster... and different for every person... every walk is one of a kind... yet we all face similar emotions throughout the journey I would imagine. As I drove him over there... I asked if he was ready for his birthday? He shrugged and kinda just nodded... as if to say, "yeah, sure." I told him I would be turning 30 a week after him to which he replied, "Times 3." It was silent after that. I got a little lump in my throat. 90 years... my voice just spoke inside my own head at that point...

After visiting with Berna & Poppy we headed off to mom's house. She hasn't spent to much time with the kids in the past few weeks... and I know that, among other things... is beyond difficult for her. She is using a cane now... all the time... even just to walk around her own house. Her spirits are still positive as she finds herself dealing with her own health issues and her 3 month treatment. I'm very proud of her on several accounts... I need not voice the reasons... yet I feel the need to make mention of that. She is a strong woman... an amazing mother... and I know she will pull through with what she is facing...

I appreciate this photo of my mom. It's her. It speaks volumes without having to say a word...

Life... we all go at it alone... in our own shoes... give it our best... try to stay positive... allowing the sun to shine down on us and in turn give of our self to help others. It's exhausting at times... hard.... unfair... beautiful... encouraging... full... and rewarding... it is what it is...

It's in the little things...

... where hope is often found.

Today was the first day that the bougainvillea bloomed in our backyard... all year in fact.

The reason I planted the bougainvillea is because it reminds me of happy times... moments spent with family down in the Florida Keys... the bougainvillea surrounded my grandparents property down there.

Life was pretty simple then. Rise and shine. Head down the white pebbled path in our bathing suits to the water. Fish. Swim. Crack open coconuts. Swing in the hammock. Just basically being kids. Carefree to say the least.

In the midst of dealing with life today and both my aunt and mom facing huge health problems... it was so nice to see this little bloom today. It gave me hope... that colorful... happy days are ahead... and that sometimes it is in the absence of what makes my heart smile most... that helps me to be appreciative... and still. It tests my Faith... and I suppose until a lesson is learned... it will continue to be repeated and presented to me. Perhaps the lesson is to hold on to hope...

If ever I was told...

My poor neglected blog... not the only think I have been neglecting lately. Wow! When did life become so hectic and busy and full... and totally not have enough hours in the day I wonder?? I have taken on a new hat to wear.. and have started to put my canon to use. My mind has been racing... I'm moving forward with my passion... photography... yet I still need to zone into my thoughts and figure out a piece of the puzzle. It's mixed up right now in my mind but it involves... giving back with my photography to families that have a changed view on their life or their loved ones life. A deeper connection to what it means to live and what it means to die. That's all I can get out for now. I've only shared with my husband my ideas... to which he seemed supportive, somewhat confused, interested in the follow through and I would venture to say wondering where these thoughts came from. I don't watch very many movies... but many years ago I watched one... and it touched me to the core... and I suppose ever since then these thoughts have been rolling around in my head... it has only been recently that I have listened to them... and voiced them (to Jacob at least)... and since I have done that... I'm starting to believe that I can make this idea happen...

Kent Falls

I loved this place as a kid... playing in the falls for hours with Ray... walking down the entire stream... gathering up stones to make are own dams... yes... I loved this place then... and I loved going back to it this time. A must if you're ever in CT.

Front view from the base of the waterfall... (standing in the water... camera in one hand... Tristan in the other... dear God, please don't slip on the rocks and fall I was thinking.)

turn around... and this was the opposite view.

Sweet, right?

I could live here. I so could.

Yes, in a tent... set up right along side the falls. :)

Can you say SO peaceful?

No, really... I could stay here forever! :)
I was in total zen sitting in the stream... with absolutely nothing to do for hours... but relax.


Oh yes... he loved it too! :)

...until he played so much that he was beyond tired and hungry. :)

My grandpa rides a Harley...

... and so do I. :)